Annoying

I love most of my patients. But I do have a few things that annoy me about my job:

• Please do not talk on your cell phone while checking in or standing within 10 feet of the front desk.
• If you do decide not to follow rule #1 please do not look at me stupid when you mumble shit and I say "Huh?" and you point to your ear because you have an ear piece for your cell phone that is hiding under your hair, neatly placed on your ear, yeah I have see-through-people's-hair eyes. I'm sorry I forgot to use them, how dare me.
• If you are a smoker, great. I am not. Please do not smoke a pack of cigs then stand inches from my face and bend over and talk to me using every ounce of oxygen you have in your pathetic lungs, espeially first thing in the fucking morning.
• Please brush your teeth at least once a day.
• Invest in a pack of gum or breath mints if you do not plan on following rule #3 or #4 and actually use them.
• Please do not walk in, that's what our phone number is for.
• Yes, we can see you, but there will be a wait.
• No, I don't know how long, you're a fucking walk-in! This isn't the free clinic!
• If you think you have been waiting a long time you should have tried the ER first.
• Please at least read over your insurance policy once.
• Yes, you have to pay your copay/deductible.
• Yes, even if it's a follow up.
• Yes, even if it's just to discuss test results.
• No, I don't want to take all your money, your insurance company does.
• Please sign the paper if your information is updated.
• Yes, even if you were here last week (or yesterday).
• Yes, your chart is up.
• No, I don't know when you will get called back.
• You only have (insert #) chart in front of your's.
• Please do not walk in and ask to have a prescription written right now.
• Please allow at least 24 hours before you run out of your meds before needing them.
• The lab does not open until 8:30, even if you get here at 7:15.
• Do not come in between 12 and 1 and expect to talk to a nurse, they are at lunch.
• When you do call, please do not press the option that says "if you are a physician or with a physician's office please press...." if you are a patient. I will not help you and I will redirect your call to the phone operator, even if you call three time's in a row.
• We have caller ID.
• We are NOT open on weekends and we do not have appointments after 3:30!

I do love my job, but this shit annoys me on a day-to-day basis.