I don't wake up early enough to give her a bath and get her ready.
I don't turn left at the light to drop her off off at school.
I don't pick her up after I get out of class.
I don't have a car seat in my backseat.
I don't order her a meal at the restaurant.
I don't turn the lights off to rock her to sleep.
And now...I don't have a bed to put her inside of once she's asleep.
Yesterday, I spent several hours cleaning our bedroom and taking down A's bed. I wasn't sure if I wanted to do it, but I told myself if it was too emotional once it was said and done, I could always put it back together.
I washed the walls with soap and water. I washed her bed with soap and water. I repositioned our bed some. I piled
I now have a pile of dirty (clean?) laundry to wash and put away, as well as a pile of toys to put into a bin. Then it will be completely done.
I was a little shocked at my reaction once it was done. I thought I would have a gut-wrenching moment,
I didn't sleep the whole night though and I did wake up a lot, but I think with a little bit more time, I will adjust.
I miss her like you wouldn't believe, and I still can't wrap my head around her never living with us again, but I'm making small, hard, but necessary changes.